Contentment....

I love to read.  It is one of my most favorite ways to relax.  There is something about reading a book while curled up on the couch with a blankie and some wine that soothes my soul.  Now, what I am about to tell you is that something that does not leave this blog.  It is a secret that I am not proud of.  Raise your right hand, and swear that you will not repeat what you are about to read.  When you are done you may continue on.  If you did not please go back to facebook and deal with the annoying new layout that has set the nation on it's head and into pure chaos.  ;-)

Ok here it is...I LOVE to read the most horrible and ridiculous romance novels.  There I said it, I've admitted it.  Give me a sappy Nora Roberts novel and some wine and my night is set.  Not sure what it is about them but I love them.  They are like an escape from reality.  And I always know what's going to happen.  Strong, stubborn girl in trouble, handsome stranger who saves her and they all live happily ever after.  I have loved reading them for years.  Even though I can pretty much tell you what is going to happen after the first chapter, I can't help but soak them up.  And now that I have a Kindle my collection of romance novels are becoming quite impressive, yet embarrassing. 

But this past week, while driving in my car I heard a song that touched my heart, "Courageous" by Casting Crowns.  If you haven't heard it find it and listen.  Now, Casting Crowns is by far one of my most favorite bands.  Their songs are powerful and always pull at my heart strings in one way or another.  Turns out there is a new movie of the same name coming out next weekend.  The part of the song that pulled at me was the line that said something about loving our children and refusing to let them fall.  Wow.  That verse shook me to my core.  So after reading about the movie, I found out that there were two books out that are based on the movie, "The Resolution", one for women and one for men.  After a few times of hearing the song I decided I needed to read the book.  Not my typical reading material but I figured it was worth a shot.

I started the book yesterday and I am hooked.  In the beginning the author warns that the book is not for those who are just looking for leisurely reading or a book to just rush through and boy she was right.  This book is broken down into a list of "Resolutions" and you are encouraged to just read one chapter at a time and spend a day just thinking about what you have read. 

The first chapter is about being content.  Which in theory, sounds easy enough.  But what an eye opener this first chapter has been for me.  The author discusses finding contentment in everything you do.  That far too often we rush through life trying to get to the next "thing" or stage in our life.  She discusses how when our children are newborns, we can't wait for them to sleep through the night.  Then as they get older we can't wait for them to walk and so on.  She points out that far too often we forget to just enjoy them as they are, after all, they will only ever be a newborn one time.  They will only be toddlers for just that one time.  We will never get that time back.  Then she smacks the reader with the fact that instead of rushing to get to the next stage we need to step back and enjoy the moment.  I can remember feeling exhausted when Niko and Kylie were newborns.  The late night feedings seemed to never end and I couldn't wait for the nights that I could sleep through the night.  But now, my heart aches slightly at the fact that I won't get those back.  The way my children would look at me as I fed them and the snuggles that followed.  Why was I so impatient for them to grow?  If I am honest, it is because I wasn't content.  I did not make the conscience effort to be content with those moments.  And that truth makes me cringe.  What have I missed in my life because I was rushing to get to the next thing?  How many moments will I never get back because I was too focused on the future? 

So I am starting today.  I will think about my future but I will focus my energy on the now.  I will try to find contentment in where I am (and where my children are) now.  I am pretty sure it will not always be easy but I am up for the challenge.  I don't want to look back and wonder what I have missed.  But most importantly, I want to be an example for my kids.  I want to show them what contentment is.  That it is a conscience effort to be grateful for what you have in life and not focused on what others have.  To be happy with who you are while still continuing to grow. 

I am not sure what the rest of the book holds.  But I do know that so far I like where it has taken me.  While nobody likes to be reminded of their shortcomings, I am glad this book is showing me mine.