Pre-Chiari I loved my list. I shared it with no one. It was my own personal list that I held close. It only had a few items on it. Mostly things like traveling somewhere I had never been (yes I know the location and no I am not sharing, this one is still all mine), jumping out of an airplane, doing missionary work somewhere remote and writing a book. Pretty simple list. Nothing super creative and nothing exotic. Oh my, how things change.
Over the last 2 years that list has changed. Dramatically. I still of course would love to do those things but they don't hold the same value that they used to. When you face a life-threatening situation, that you have to wait several weeks to face, it gives you a whole new perspective on life. What you once held dear becomes trivial. The big dreams you thought would make you happy now seem unfulfilling. In the end it changes you down to your core. During the weeks that led up to my surgery I was terrified. To put it mildly, I was a wreck. On the outside, I was optimistic and confident. On the inside, I was lost and hopeless. I tried desperately to hide the fear so that I did not appear weak. I also considered the fact that if I did not survive, what would people remember? I did not want them to remember a broken woman. So I kept it all inside. That is until someone came along and pushed his way right in, that is another amazing story in itself. But I did survive. If fact, I am doing remarkable given the circumstances. However, it did change my Bucket List and let's be honest, it changed my entire perspective on life in general.
My new Bucket List is still mine. There are things on there I may never get to do. but I am ok with that. I believe that you have to dream big or you will never truly reach your potential. Some of the things I will share over time with people in my life. But I am going to share one now. Since my diagnosis a few years ago, I wanted to be a light in the darkness of the condition. I wanted to be a positive story that people could find. When most people are diagnosed they Google the condition. And what they find is so overwhelmingly negative. I know there are positives out there. So I wanted to be another positive for them to find. I want to raise awareness and bring hope to people who are suffering. It looks like I might get my chance. A dear friend of mine, who's young daughter has Chiari, suggested we do a fundraiser right here in the Valley. I am thrilled at the possibility of hosting a Conquer Chiari Walk Across America in September here in Fresno. We have to finish some paperwork, but with fingers crossed, we are hoping we will be accepted. It is hard not to get your hopes up, since there is always a chance it will be declined, but I know we could do great things for the Chiari Community.
So if you are reading this and want to help, let me know! My dream since my diagnosis has been to bring hope to my friends. Sometimes, in the middle of the pain and the suffering, hope is all we have. So please keep your fingers crossed. I will update when we get word but for now, I am secretly jumping for joy at the possibility of crossing off one of the top items on my Bucket List!!!
Over the last 2 years that list has changed. Dramatically. I still of course would love to do those things but they don't hold the same value that they used to. When you face a life-threatening situation, that you have to wait several weeks to face, it gives you a whole new perspective on life. What you once held dear becomes trivial. The big dreams you thought would make you happy now seem unfulfilling. In the end it changes you down to your core. During the weeks that led up to my surgery I was terrified. To put it mildly, I was a wreck. On the outside, I was optimistic and confident. On the inside, I was lost and hopeless. I tried desperately to hide the fear so that I did not appear weak. I also considered the fact that if I did not survive, what would people remember? I did not want them to remember a broken woman. So I kept it all inside. That is until someone came along and pushed his way right in, that is another amazing story in itself. But I did survive. If fact, I am doing remarkable given the circumstances. However, it did change my Bucket List and let's be honest, it changed my entire perspective on life in general.
My new Bucket List is still mine. There are things on there I may never get to do. but I am ok with that. I believe that you have to dream big or you will never truly reach your potential. Some of the things I will share over time with people in my life. But I am going to share one now. Since my diagnosis a few years ago, I wanted to be a light in the darkness of the condition. I wanted to be a positive story that people could find. When most people are diagnosed they Google the condition. And what they find is so overwhelmingly negative. I know there are positives out there. So I wanted to be another positive for them to find. I want to raise awareness and bring hope to people who are suffering. It looks like I might get my chance. A dear friend of mine, who's young daughter has Chiari, suggested we do a fundraiser right here in the Valley. I am thrilled at the possibility of hosting a Conquer Chiari Walk Across America in September here in Fresno. We have to finish some paperwork, but with fingers crossed, we are hoping we will be accepted. It is hard not to get your hopes up, since there is always a chance it will be declined, but I know we could do great things for the Chiari Community.
So if you are reading this and want to help, let me know! My dream since my diagnosis has been to bring hope to my friends. Sometimes, in the middle of the pain and the suffering, hope is all we have. So please keep your fingers crossed. I will update when we get word but for now, I am secretly jumping for joy at the possibility of crossing off one of the top items on my Bucket List!!!
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| My scar is no longer a sign of weakness. It is a reminder of what will not stop me. |
